Walmart:The Host Club Edition
by AngelOfFluffiness
Summary: What if The Host Club ran your local Walmart? Find out by reading this story-It will give you a laugh and a half. Slight HikaKao and if you tilt your head-slight TamaHaru T for language


**Heya!**

**Due to some stupid glitch in the login area-although you can acess it its a little glichy**

**Ive just put this story in over my IM Notice as an edit**

**Copy and pasted the whole thing off Open Office**

**Note:The Character Kasumi is an OC made by one of my IM Contest winners**

**Disclaimer:I do not own OHSHC or Kasumi. Kasumi is by AikioHatate.**

**This idea evolved when I was on theotaku . com**

**I found a funny picture with the twins and the quote they use as greeters in this story**

**You will laugh you head off-I really can tell you that**

**I understand that the quote came from a comedian named Jeff Dumham**

**I know this to be true since I watch and listen tohim often**

**He created that quote.**

**A person on the otaku created the picture-the picture that inspired this fict.**

**Thats all-NOW ENJOY MY FELLOW READERS!**

Walmart:The Host Club Edition

**It was a sunny day in Tokyo**

**And while it was pretty normal in most areas**

**The local Walmart**

**Was not normal**

**Oh yes**

**Walmart**

**That place was far from normal**

**It wasn't normal**

**Cause The Host Club was running it!**

Above every 'great' deal was a dumb little smiley face.

While that was normal-this was not

"Oh Kaoru your so cute. Your body is shining like the sun!" exclaimed Hikaru

"Oh dear brother-your making so hot. Your body is better than mine," said Kaoru

"Oh good god get a room!" cried a customer who was walking in

The Hitachiin twins turned on the customer with unimpressed eyes

The customer stared at them

"Welcome to Walmart-NOW GET YOUR SHIT AND GET OUT!" yelled the twins

The customer rushed passed as Kyoya gave a thumbs from the managers office next to Customer Service to the right of the twin greeters

Behind the rushing customer the greeting rang again

"Welcome to Walmart-NOW GET YOUR SHIT AND GET OUT!" cried the twins again

That customer rushed passed as well

At the customer service desk the assistant manager Renge stood

Since staff was small-she was running the desk with Kyoya in the manager office just to her left and the greeters right

A customer approached her with a curling iron

"This did not work and I would like to return it for a full refund," said the customer

"Oh seriously-are you sure? Your hair looks awful curly to me," said Renge

"I would of wanted it curlier but this iron did not do it," said the woman

"Oh come on you can't any curlier than that!" exclaimed Renge "Try a damn straightener and then try the curling iron."

"Renge just return it!" yelled Kyoya walking to the desk

"Actually no-I wanna try that!" cried the customer walking off

"Good luck!"called Renge

"Your cunning-you know that?" asked Kyoya walking away

"I know it-thanks for the compliment!" called Renge

"IT WASN'T A DAMN COMPLIMENT!" yelled Kyoya

"Thanks anyway!" cried Renge

Haruhi sighed as she stocked the makeup shelf

"I can't believe people actually use this crap," said Haruhi

She walked toward the back room to get the instant coffee stock so she could shelf that

A woman ran up to her. She had long red hair and looked awful rich

"Hey wheres the makeup?" asked the woman

"Hey moron wheres the cosmetics sign?!" cried Haruhi turning and pointing at the sign above the aisle she had just left

"Oh thats where it is!" cried the woman

The woman walked off

"Damn stupid rich people," mumbled Haruhi when the woman was finally out of earshot "I thought Tamaki was stupid but I think even he can read!"

She laughed at the thought as she turned toward the checkout are where Tamaki, Mori, and another woman named Kasumi were working

"Then again-who knows?" she chuckled

She finished stocking the coffee a few moments later and headed off to collect todays shipment of stuffed animals and beanie babies

"Who the hell still plays with these?" she asked herself before picking up a beanie baby kitten with deep blue eyes and silky soft black fur with little gray paws

She gulped

"People with weaknesses to cute things......like.....I guess.....me," she squeaked "I'm so stupid!"

Tamaki ran over

"Why did my little girl just call herself stupid?" he asked

She tuned to him and held out the beanie baby

"Cause of this cute.......little....um.......thing," she said

"Oh Haruhi has a soft spot!" teased Tamaki

She threw a different beanie baby at him causing him to retreat

But not before he grabbed her arm and dragged her with him.

He pulled the kitten, rang it up, and paid it by himself

Tamaki then handed it to her

"Problem solved!" he cheered giving Haruhi a gentle shove back to her work space

"YOU IDIDOT!" rang threw the Walmart

Haruhi finished up the beanies and stuffed animals

Another person came up to her

"Um sir-wheres the instant coffee?" asked the man

Haruhi turned on the man

"Okay genius-wheres the Coffee sign?" she asked pointing at the Coffee sign dangling above the coffee aisle

"Oh!" exclaimed the man

"So much for stupid rich people-poor people are dumb too," mumbled Haruhi staring at the kitten before rolling her eyes "I'm dumb too."

Up at the managers office- a woman burst in

"Your greeters are atrocious! They are so rude!" screamed the woman

"Im afraid I like it that way-Their greeting is quite funny-don't you agree?" asked Kyoya

"No I do not!" exclaimed the woman

"Well I could make it worse," said Kyoya

"I'd like to hear you try," said the woman

"Very well-exit and come back in," said Kyoya

The woman exited and Kyoya radioed the twins

"When that woman comes back give her a greeting she wont forget," said Kyoya

**The woman soon came back inside**

"Welcome to Walmart. We are gay, Haruhi looks like a guy, Kyoya can be a jackass, Renge is snooty, Tamaki is a dumb ass, Mori is silent, and have you met our mini security officer? You are dumb and stupid and mean. NOW GET YOURCRAP AND GET HELL OUT OF WALMART YOU IDIOT!" screamed the twins as Kaoru rolled a cart her way

The woman grabbed the cart and rushed away

Kyoya laughed and gave the twins another thumbs up

**This time they gave two thumbs back to him.**

A shoplifter tried to head out the door when the alarm rang

Honey popped up eating chocolate cake

"Hello there-may I see your receipt?"

"Well you see-I didn't receive one."

"Ah-who's your cashier?"

"Um the blond one?"

"Whats his name?"

"I....ah......um.....well he didn't tell me,"

Honey looked at Tamaki who was shaking his head for No

"He always tells people his name-and if you paid you would have a receipt. If you paid-you would have bags,"

Honey called the police and put cuffs on the woman

"Mori come put this stuff back!" called Honey

"I paid!" lied the woman

"Prove it," growled Honey

She bowed her head

"My point exactly," growled Honey as the police arrived

With that and a slice of cake Honey headed to the doors side ready and waiting

While Mori was away putting up items Kasumi worked the register

Kasumi had pale blond hair in two pigtails

The hair reached down to her ankles!

She worked the register well.

Tamaki smiled at his next customer whom was the guy who called Haruhi 'sir'

"Hello sir-I'd like to check these items out please,"

"Why of course my princess!" cheered Tamaki beginning to do his job

"Im a boy sir,"

"And what a handsome little prince you are! You remind me of my darling girl Haruhi!" cheered Tamaki

"You mean the dude stocking the shelves?"

"My Haruhi is not a dude! She is a lovely little princess!"

"I'm a what?!" screamed Haruhi from the bread aisle next door to Tamaki's cash register

"Ignoring that-You will not call my Haruhi a dude!" screamed Tamaki

"Thats even worse than princess!" wailed Haruhi

"Well she does look a guy," said the customer

"Well shes a girl!A GIRL MIND YOU!" screamed Tamaki

"Sir calm down!" pleaded the customer

"I will not calm down!" cried Tamaki

"SHUT UP!" screamed Kasumi, Haruhi, and the twins

Tamaki finished the checkout quietly

**And this is why**

**Walmart was not normal today**

**So when you walk in prepare to hear this:**

"Welcome to Walmart-NOW GET YOUR SHIT AND GET OUT!" cried the twins

And of course-the customer rushed passed like the others before her.


End file.
